Boxing Day Reflections

I’m pretty sure I don’t want to reach into my pocket for cash anytime soon. First time going downtown Boxing Day shopping and it involved a 5 AM wakeup call. After enduring the full intensity of crazed capitalism and consumerism, if anyone asks me to pay for them anytime soon, I feel like I will snap. Seriously, it may also be another intriguing point to note that I have never done so much shopping for myself, despite finally enjoying some level of financial capability for myself. I spent less than the price of my new camera and its accessories, but still riddiculous to what I’m used to spending on myself.

Stores I targeted and found a hit:

• Futureshop
• Guess
• Aritzia
• American Eagle Outfitters
• Jacob Connexion
• RW & Co.

If you have an idea of my typical spending habits, that’s something like 4 brand name stores/major shopping in a store in general….. too many in one day. I was also close to getting myself another mp3 player, but decided to wait until they had more with video play options. I still want a laptop, sound system, cell phone and some new furniture, but lugging most of those around would involve a extremely exhausted blogmistress. With all the crowds clogging up the streets and mall aisles, I couldn’t help but think it’d be a perfect time for a terrorist attack.

Last few days have been more out of the ordinary. The 22nd was certainly a day to remember for it was a day full of friends. I haven’t done the movie ritual yet, but movies are such an expensive and time costly indulgence..yet at the same time I have finally sat through the Bleach Movie: Memoirs of Nobody, Pirates of the Caribbean 2, X-Men III and EVEN a borrowed biography of Flemish artist Peter Rubens all in the comfort of my own home. The last was rather boring, but I thought it should be a good investment for my general knowledge.

In addition, for 2 consecutive days leading up to the 22nd I had also been hooked onto video sharing sites to look up clips and live performances of Nightmare. Normally I hardly ever look up stuff on my favourite bands on sites like youtube but I guess I thought I’d take a peak at their alter ego band Sendai Kamotsu. Not a fan of that kind of humour, yet it found something within, and from link hopping my attraction to Nightmare got stronger. Yet with it also came my frustration of not being able to find their work in general, nevermind authentic work in Toronto. Yet my first secret santa gave me a unexpected pleasant surprise even if I have to wait a few more weeks =)

Amidst everything though I feel like the meaning of Christmas has become inverted and twisted into a number of ways in my head. I feel like the meaning of giving in my world has been illuminated this year through my reactions to my 1st secret Santa gift. I never knew Nightmare had come to mean so much to me and the idea that someone was able to give such a gift expectantly overwhelmed me. I also felt a great joy when I had tediously waded around American Eagle to find a couple of things my brother liked in my Boxing Day adventures. Yet my personal spiritual meaning behind this holiday has felt as tangible like a mist on a hazy day.

There is a Catholic Church in front of my building and for a few years it had played Christmas songs through the ringing of its bells. These would go on sometimes at like 12AM and would last for ….less than an hour, I can’t completely recall.

I had a feeling they would annoy the residents in and around, but for someone who in the past had felt so very isolated from the joyous time of year, the annoying bells gave me something for my mind to process that it was indeed Christmas. Was it Descartes who had said that by thinking, he necessarily existed? By being reminded of the season and its meanings was of some comfort. I don’t quite think I’ve heard enough carols this year, and the snow hasn’t put me in that mood either, more of like the bringer of great frustration towards the weather, traffic and work. You’d be too if you spent 2 hours waiting and riding just the decrepit McCowan bus ambling along.

Of commercialism and capitalism the songs of the past has faded to somewhat of an obscurity for me. Not to mention the remembrance of my personal spirituality that comes with such carols. Faith has become something I seem to stand by through only clinging onto it in my heart these days. My religious fervor comes from my tradition and and of my own consciousness. For non-believers of any kind of faith I’m sure your attitude towards this is that I’m grasping onto dying threads, and that history is such a weak reason to hold onto something. Yet of course, why is something called faith? It is too easy to dismiss such followers of faith as naive and dumb, yet for each of us there lies a real reason. For each individual it is a meaning that carries strength and purpose despite the nay-sayers.

Yet my reason has come in and out in recent years, and I can’t help but wonder when will my strength run out. My supports feel weak, and I feel like amidst this twisted joyous season, I have forgotten someone.

After all of this, I find some twisted amusement that my last blog entry had mentioned how I had already foreseen the taking down of the Christmas lights, and that now in a few days or so there shall indeed be a reason for them to be taken down. Where has time flown off to and why is it that there is never enough time to enjoy something that in theory is supposed to allow us to slow down and smell the flowers?

We have all grown and matured in some way over the years and I am afraid to give mention of what I may foresee in a few more years’ time. Yet perhaps this is the haunting beauty of mortal life; for if we lived on eternity after eternity, there would be no urgency of realization of what truly matters.

We are mortals tainted and broken, but amidst our chaos we could all benefit from a little love and that little saying of Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years.