: S h i a n : : :
It’s a beautiful world . . .Zombified
I was told that to take a nap of 15-30 min at around 7 hours after you last slept was a quick way of quick charging your batteries again. Its about 7 hours since I woke up and actually, I do feel like its just about the time when I don’t want try to accomplish anything more. I’d try to take a nap if only I weren’t cynical to if I would wake up afterwards and if I felt more accomplished, and I know the library in which I am masquerading as one of its citizen students, does check-ups if you’re snoozing.
Its been a break from studio lately, trying to focus on the research aspect of school. In the beginning, it seemed like the process was of research and then to create work, and your research would consist of reading lots and lots of books. But as the semester grew on, academic research got a backseat to creating work and then to figuring out what I was doing, and now the idea of research encompasses media, novels, looking other artists and other things which is so new to me that I do not know whether to embrace this new way of doing things or to cling to possibly the less effectual way of doing things that I’ve known for longer.
The advising faculty critiquing you one-on-one has been interesting to say the least, from the less open-minded ones to the ones who have misread what your work is trying to be about but proclaim how interesting it is and would really want to see you again. I’m riding the coattails of the latter kind, but research is daunting. For the longest time I’ve been searching for my visual language, and now that I’ve finally think I’ve found it, some guy tells you he’s really interested in your work, and as much as you’d like to better fine-tune to communicate better and arrange to see him more, its time to work on that research report, and to possibly embark on this new kind of research maybe right NOW; just when you are starting to find your legs, and an ally in the pool of antagonistic, or at the very least distrustful teachers — because they tend to like what they do, and impose, even if that is not their intention.
So all this time you may wish you just fitted that mold, and everybody would be happy. =D
I’m spacey these days. I spend 6 days a week doing school things. On most weeks its 6 days downtown either thinking about school related things or I’m too tired to think about anything when I’m going back. I’m imprisoned to my work, exhausted from travel, an onlooker and isolated from things and beings that don’t relate, and always just a little anxious about how the next week will go. The days when I’m separated from work I feel the anxiety that I should be working, but I can’t, so I better make use of the time of separation, so you better not be irrelevant and a waste of my time. I’m not really angry though, this year has been good: people, spaces, freedom from working under a deceitful workplace, and having this task at hand that I must complete. Sometimes I wonder who I am becoming in giving so much to it, but I know what I want is important and I must find ways to yield to it. For all of what the teachers say I should do, it is meaningless if meaning making is empty, as it is if pieces of the old puzzle no longer fit.
Escher-esques
So its been awhile since I’ve posted any visually works. That should be changed. Pictures! Finally eh? But I’ve been trying to work on sustained coherent writing so I shall continue doing it. I don’t think everyone would get through it all, or understand, but I give you the option to. I write about it if you are indeed curious and have the time.
- Excuse the less than perfect photographs, I need to record them properly again.
Acrylic, twine, nepheline on foamcore
In addition to thesis I’m also taking a Graphic Representation of Contemporary Culture class, a course where art-making tries to make sense of contemporary culture. For my first assignment we were to do a series of 3 on a completely open ended subject.
When you look at the three you may wonder how they would relate to contemporary culture at all. You’d think they were Modernist-like abstractions. I took a seminar course last year called Beyond Pictorial Conventions and learned that one of the ways the painted image may compete with the screened image is through its own self unique to it: being a crafted object created by hand and that’s what I went on. Each of the three have qualities one cannot fully experience unless they are in its presence. Two of the three were explorations in different mediums that have to do with texture. In all of them the element of thread being sewed into the surface references craft.
Acrylic, modeling paste and twine on canvas
I had also been reading about detournement where you take a original image and change it to a different meaning. For a visual example, this comes in. In these works I detourned Escher’s popular patterns and made their meaning to signifiers of information. Each Escher pattern represents a period of how information was spread.
- First it was through the eye reading images and the mouth telling stories,
- second we learned how to read, and
- now information is disseminated through fun virtual worlds like twitter.
I tried not to make it about Escher. The 2nd and 3rd ones created were more successful learning the lessons of the first and I was more able to obliterate Escher. And of course information is becoming crazily complex and diverse that the one on text and twitter, the sizes get smaller.
Acrylic and twine on foamcore
I was pressed for time on this assignment, and stressed for thesis so I didn’t sew into them as much as I had wanted to, but that wasn’t a bad thing because for what I didn’t sew, I painted, so you get this interesting illusion of twine making a pattern and paint as well.
Time to start thinking about the next assignment!
Thesis Kinda Life
I already miss seeing daylight when I go home. by 6:30 its dark? =(
Tomorrow’s another day down at school. Thesis is somewhat worse than a full-time job I’ve concluded (depending on your particular job of course), you bring it all home with you. Similar to coming home from work, in addition to the possible back and muscle pain, hunger, fatigue, you just continually have it in the back of your mind, that you should do more, give more, in hopes that it will give a nice return on your investment.
Or at least that’s the case with me. Its eerie, when you go into studio between 10:30-11 AM and nobody’s there. Its not that early for those who dwell closer downtown and can just zip right down to work. Nobody’s there until like 1PM. Maybe. There’s stuff on the walls, kind of. Some things are old and some things literally appear overnight, but the place doesn’t feel lived in, presence and live action isn’t quite felt. But then again, why the hell am I complaining? I like it when its quiet, I usually can’t do anything on the Thursdays when everyone’s present for their meetings, noisy, distracting and occasionally smelly when someone’s using something pungent…hopefully just pungent and not toxic.
Everyday’s about the same if you’ve been curious. Wake up early, a habit left by work, go down to work either through book-worming, screen searching or studio exploring. Its been 6 days straight just going down for school so far, but even before then I’ve wanted to go down out of the feeling that ‘I should be down there”. Special thanks goes to Madi for keeping me company in studio this last weekend. When I felt lonely and/or needed someone to listen to me, it was nice having another presence around school that did that.
At the end of the day, you either want something light or heavy when it comes to music. Right now, its been Girugamesh replays and you’ve gotta love Radiohead’s Fake Plastic Trees tune. Its an oldie, but classic. I’ve been neglectful in keeping up with english speaking bands the last few years, so hopefully I’ll get around to checking out In Rainbows and thinking about what I’d pay for it.
Pork & Beans Anyone?
. .
Okay, so Weezer’s Pork & Beans album has been out for awhile. Not having seen the music video for the album’s title song until NOW, compromises the elation of having discovered it.
Special
What makes us special? Who decides what anything we do or what counts as special?
Yes everyone of us is special. I believe in treating everyone as you would like yourself to be treated. But where does the belief that everyone holds the power of promise ends and the shorelines of unreasonable thinking begins?
What does ’special’ look like? Is it potential, something that is difficult to find? Maybe its that x factor to the special y that compliments it if we’re all special. Do we work towards being special or do we think each one of us already has it in the bag? Or that we’re just another speck on this planet, another leaf blown by the wind and thereby, are not special and choose not to care?
Is special just a variation term to describe someone who’s different, who can be a troubled case and the word “special” actually means ‘give this person more attention’, with the hope that they’ll catch up or bring something different to the world’s table? But do we provide the environment to special people? Do we harbour attitudes of celebration and do we even care? Its so much easier to work with a homogenous group of people, things go so much more smoothly and efficiently.
We like to think we’re special. Created in God’s image, or we’re some supremely evolved species where we can laugh at the brains and capabilities of other lowly organisms. But are we? Who told us to exploit the world and its resources like we have? How special are we? Tossed out to compete with our brothers and sisters of animals, in so many ways they would be able to beat us.
Is special in the context of the possibility this person can give when they’re at their full potential? Does our culture of entitlement just inflate the ideas of ourselves that ’special’ loses its realistic meaning when we’ve forgotten how to live with humility? Or is ’special’ actually a branch in entitlement actually an outgrowth from human nature, and a survival instinct? Do we live believing we are special, entitled or both? Perhaps believing in being special gives you the access to special entitlements, but what’s governing our ideologies and actions?
Sometimes I think I hate postmodern thought. Everything’s fragmented, everything “depends” and you don’t know what you think anymore because its hard to think of an omnipotent overarching idea that just simply rules over everything else. Thoughts, just lots of thoughts now that for the moment I’ve loosened up my brain from school.
Let Go
So now it has almost become that yours truly has finally become one of the many jobless students in Toronto. I say ‘almost’ because the new boss said he’d let me know if he would relocate me to another location to do weekend shifts, but since I shot down Sunday, I pretty much shot myself in the foot if I really still want to be employed at the lettuce factory.
Its been about 2.5 years? When my early coworkers thought I didn’t have the ability to duke it out with all the stress and stay. What do I think? I CAN’T BELIEVE I’VE BEEN THERE FOR 2 AND A HALF FREAKIN’ YEARS!! Under so many bosses decent, good, bad, awesome and near useless. Seeing so many different kinds of faces and situations, the stresses have left me not overly upset in being told that I was no longer needed.
So I’ll be clean. During the school year, I only work 2 days. It turns out to relieve the useless boss man, you bring in someone who cares only too much about the job as the recession now has been deemed over. So, unless I cranked out 4 or 5, I was to be laid off. Yeaah, like I’m going to do 4 or 5. That’d be like suicide.
I wish it was a dramatic story. I gave the man the finger and told him “up your’s”, but can you really imagine me doing that? I still wonder what would happen if you put one of our biodegradable bowls/lids into the dishwasher. Apparently you’re to keep them at a certain temperature, lest they melt into a puddle. I’ve already seen what happens when you put hot rice first thing into a salad bowl (yes rice in a salad), so the end product to the bowl in dishwasher would be truly intriguing.
Its interesting observing company moves knowing humans are behind it. The greed, stupidity, ambitions and envy all packaged together and how it is expressed in their attitudes that workers are disposable. This goes beyond just what happened to me, but the bigger picture as I’ve seen this company do its work. You may do everything right, do more than what’s expected because you care about doing the right thing, but it won’t matter. Characteristic of not “real jobs” or lack of humanity? When all the other things in the world you covet bring you to your knees just to behold, what will you do in your blindness concerning what you know you can make a difference in?
Anyways, its full on focus on school now. Another reason why I’m not overly upset is that I’ve already been feeling stretched for school. I’m not taking many courses, but what’s expected in a thesis year has me chained. Nope I am not too sure what to do later on, and I want to emphasize the uncertainties in the life of the person asking me; but I want to focus, work hard with the faith that in its good outcome, it’ll inform me on my steps to come.
Ugg-hh-s
Saw my first pair of Ugg boots for the fall/winter year. Can I get a “ughh” for Uggs?
Seriously, why do people have to flock to these ugly things? I think fall, but mostly winter has probably got to be more unoriginal times of the year to be seeing what everyone else is wearing. Besides mindless consumerist presents, short dark days, pressures of school, and watching our precious vehicles go through another harsh Canadian winter; no wonder our brains have turned to mush so we begin to follow what everyone’s wearing because we’re too frozen to look up and see what else is good. I’m mostly referring to the winter wear for females by the way.
Sure, the variety of jackets available cannot, in any way match up to the number and variety of tops, but when I’ve counted say, beyond 10 people wearing the same thing, with or without the same accessory bag, and/or jacket, is it possible to align this with the idea that we have become short-sighted drones of society who no longer value creativity and the pride of being just a little more unique?
As you can see, I am so pumped for winter.
Music is a Part of my Life
“Music is my life”. How many times have we heard that phrase? From singing pop songs at karaoke sessions to wannabe hard rocking it at rockband, I get the question of how do I know all the weird songs that I do.
Gr. 6-7: Spice Girls/BSB/pop era
Gr 7-8: starting to have a preference to alternatives such as Matthew Good Band Matchbox 20 and Treble Charger.
- this was basically a time of being educated by Muchmusic and radio. I gave r&b and hip hop a try, but it didn’t work out. Glimpsed of harder things such as Rage Against the Machine and Papa Roach.
Grades 9-10: Top 40-ish but settled with Mix 99.9 for awhile. I really liked how they did a variety of top 40, and some slightly older things to broaden their playlists.
Grades 11-12: started listening to the radio of 102.1 the edge. Official death to sugary pop and onto something less in the clouds.
- Edge artists included Foo Fighters, Oasis, Audioslave, Our Lady Peace, Billy Talent, Sum41, Green Day, Linkin’ Park, The Offspring, Alter Bridge, Evanescence, Coldplay, Radiohead, Pearl Jam etc etc. I also listened to the Ongoing History of New Music.
- Some Jpop introductions of Ayumi Hamasaki and the like….most didn’t stick.
First year:
- more Edge music, really loved my Audioslave and Foo Fighters
- Started to like the Jpop of Ai Otsuka, Chihiro Onitsuka, Do as Infinity, Korean rock of TRAX as a result of being introduced to Asian music rotation sites. TRAX came from an eventual curiosity as I had friends who absolutely loved the band.
- Tried listening to Jay Chou, F.I.R.. Karaoke turned me away from acts such as Twins or S.H.E
- introductions to some j-rock of GACKT, oshare Kei of Kra, and Visual Kei rock of Nightmare, but it would take about a year for them to really hook me. It was hard to find jrock that really clicked for the reason that a) I had to get used to a non-Western way of doing rock b) I was stumbling onto more bands in music rotation sites that were much too hard like Dir en Grey c) not sure if this makes a drastic difference but most of these bands were Visual Kei and not just rock music done the Japanese way. It was like rotation sites either featured Jpop or VK and I didn’t want to listen to Jpop only when it came to Japanese music.
2nd Year:
- Falling away from the Edge, last favourites were Rise Against, +44, and Angels and Airwaves.
- Western band releases becoming disappointing, so up goes the j-rock/Visual Kei of artists like Nightmare, High and Mighty Color, Versailes;
- Dabbing in classic rock with stuff like Guns ‘n’ Roses, Rush, Def Leppard, and also enter Iron Maiden. This was probably the result of walking into my brother playing his own music.
3rd Year:
- J-rock/Visual Kei domination of bands like Nightmare, 12012, Alice Nine, the Gazette;
- Enter J-songstresses and singers of Kokia, Yuna Ito, and YUI, Hitomi Shimatani. None of these but Kokia truly stays with me now.
- Started listening to Christian pop music of Chris Tomlin, Jeremy Camp and Starfield.
- Started to be curious about Classical music again. Must have been because of Nodame Contible
4th Year:
- J-rock/VK domination ensues with addition of awesome Neo-Japanese Kagrra, complete with comma into my collection =D
- Exploring influential classic j-rock of Luna Sea, re-exploring Mika Nakashima and some Utada Hikaru.
- Fell in love with Christian pop-rock of Building 429.
- Enter the post-Evanscence goth rock revival with imports from Italy and Netherlands of Lacuna Coil and Within Temptation.
- Whisperings: pure piano music added to list.
Present
- Forecast calls on probably no new VK, but maybe jrock of Gurugamesh? But getting into classic j-rock of Siam Shade. David Usher, maybe get to know The Tea Party better, know some stuff from Taylor Swift, and there’s more Within Temptation stuff to go.
Looking back, its somewhat of a broad spectrum. A lot of bands I know of their big hits but not always all the other tracks in between. Context matters too right? How well I know my music also depended on their availability to me through the status of if the library had their cd in their stores or the status of my internet connection. What I know also heavily depends on my reactions towards my friends’ music, my brother’s music and what I’m interested in.
With a portable music player and decent internet connection, its so easy to voraciously consume music, forgetting to be still and quiet sometimes. The truth is, for me its starting to be harder to find new music as rotation sites forget to upload, radio playlists aren’t what I’m interested in and most people around me aren’t musically compatible. I’ve cut back now, we always remember the good old times of when technology didn’t thread itself into every aspect of our lives, the romantic notion of a quiet evening, but technology has made us dependent on it and its buzzing ways. Music isn’t my life. There are so many other things to do out there. But I still love it, its a part of me and I’m a part of the population that subscribes to it. Music is a part of my life.
Boredom can make you do Creative Things
I forget where I heard the phrase “boredom can make you do stupid things”, but surely there are alternatives.
Went to a karaoke event last week where Evelyn and I were getting bored, so I pulled out a notebook I usually have on me and started taking turns doodling. Works right side up and upside down =D
Soldier Boys
So I’ve never been paint balling before. Ever. But I’ve heard things about it here and there loosely. “Its so fun”, all that you know?
No, not going to say its not fun and that its actually a horrible activity that promotes gun violence or anything of the sort. No, I just have thoughts that are if you believe you can be gone after one shot, sink your psychology into the uniforms, masks and guns which strip you of your humanity, the psychology that you are now in a pack and are more likely to following what the crowd does; that what the soldiers who are overseas now, and those who have fought in wars, they have and are, really giving something out there.
No I didn’t get peppered with shots, get too trigger happy, completely hide behind things and never came out – much, to be sprouting stuff. Once you get into it, there is that thrill of foiling the paintball, of coming up with strategy, and that you have the ability to bring someone down. But there is something about first impressions and associations which are brought forth by stimuli, and my mind and memory does have this interplay between the mind saying how you remind me. Ok, witty, song title reference use fail. ‘What you remind’ me makes more sense.
But to be a million miles from home in some alien territory, to be equipped with garb, tools and given a solemn task where there are real serious outcomes; I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I wouldn’t be able to last. And yet we do indeed do this to each other. I have more respect toward real soldiers needless to say. Thos other dawgs know shit when they call themselves soulja boys.
